David's Eulogy for Mom

Euology For Betty Kanouse
By David Kanouse
9 November, 1999

On behalf of the Kanouse family, I want to thank you for coming here today to celebrate the life of Betty H. Kanouse. She was my mother, the first and most enduring blessing of my life. I have always loved her dearly. But as an adult I have come to understand that the kind of mother she was grew out of the kind of person she was. Before I talk about that, let's go over the facts of her life, drawing on an autobiographical sketch she prepared for her grandchildren.

Elizabeth (Betty) Hitchcock, the elder daughter of Earl Edmund and Eileen Salyer Hitchcock, was born November 28, 1913, in Los Angeles, California. In 1916 the family moved to Glendale, where she received her elementary and high school education. She attended Glendale High School, where she was a debater, school representative of the Tri-High Extempore Speaking Contest, Vice President of the California Scholarship Federation, President of the Girls' Athletic Association, and Secretary of Girls' Athletics on the Student Body Council. She graduated in February 1932 as a California Gold Seal bearer.

She attended Glendale Junior College for one semester, and was elected to Phi Rho Pi, the national honorary forensic fraternity. She entered the University of Southern California. During her undergraduate years she worked as a reader in the English department and as an assistant in the Sociology department. She was a member of Alpha Gamma Delta sorority, Amazons, Clionian Literary Society, Quill Club, Spooks and Spokes, the women's debate team, and the women's judicial court. She also published articles and poems in the Daily Trojan, was a Girl Scout leader, and served as an extra in the movies. In 1936 she received the Bachelor of Arts degree, cum laude, with a major in English. She was elected to membership in the Phi Beta Kappa, Alpha Kappa Delta, and Epsilon Phi honorary fraternities. In 1937 she received a diploma in social work.

In 1936-7 she was a staff worker for the Girl Scouts, Los Angeles Council. In 1938-9 she was a social case weorker for the California State Relief, first in the Belvedere section of Los Angeles, and then in San Jose. In 1941 she was a social worker for the Home Service Department of the American Red Cross.

In 1934 she met Edgar Laroe Kanouse, who was then a graduate student at the California Institute of Technology, and they were married on September 29, 1938, at her parents' home in Eagle Rock, with the Rev. R. R. Detweiler, a Methodist minister and family friend, officiating. The couple spent the first months of their married life in Palo Alto, while he completed work on his Ph.D. in electrical engineering at Stanford University and she worked in Santa Clara County as a social worker. In 1939 they moved back to Los Angeles, where he was emplyed by the Los Angeles Department oif Water and Power, and where she became a homemaker.

David Earl, their first son, was born on June 10, 1943, at the Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital. Kent Laroe, their second son, was born on July 12, 1947, at the same hospital. In 1954 the family "adopted" Kim Choon Taik of Pusan, Korea, as their foster son, and gave him the name of Paul and the birth date of July 26, 1947.

In September 1937 Elizabeth Hitchcock committed her life to Christ and in December was baptized at the community church of Eagle Rock. In 1940, she transferred membership to Immanuel Presbyterian Church, Los Angeles, where her husband was a member. They were members of the Irvine Bible Class for sixteen years, during which time she held office and wrote the class history. For a short time she taught Sunday school in the junior and primary departments. She was a member of the Women's Missionary Society and belonged to Jubilee Guild, serving as president in 1951-2. She helped organize the Women's Association in 1954 by serving on the By-Laws Committee, and wass the first program chairman in 1955. In 1961 she served as a deaconess of Immanuel Presbyterian Church, and in 1962 she became the president of the Women's Association and held this office for three years. At the end of her term she was awarded an Honorary Associate membership of the Board of Christian Education of the United Presbyterian Church, U.S.A.

In 1965, she became the Fellowship Associate, Central District, of the Los Angeles Presbyterial, from which she soon resigned for health reasons. However, she continued to be active in the Women's Association, the Women's Aid, and the life of the church for another 30 years. When she was in her late seventies [?], she established a prayer circle at Immanuel that is still active today.

My father retired in 1972, and he and Mom took a six-week tour of Europe. Some years later they visited Israel, Greece, and Egypt with their friend, Dorothy Ralph. From 1976 to 1986, Mom pursued her lifelong interest in genealogy, painstakingly compiling family genealogy books that she presented to each grandchild on his or her 13th birthday. These volumes included not only genealogical accounts but also stories, diaries, letters, photographs, and other artifacts that helped to capture the life, times, and character of our ancestors--a rich treasure of family history that would surely never have been preserved but for her efforts.

In 1986, Mom and Ed were assaulted by robbers in their home. Her own brief note of this incident states, "Not much taken, but we spent the next week in the hospital." In fact, she spent much of that week in a coma and was not expected to live. But she did, and later remarked that she was glad not to have died because she would not want to be remembered as a murder victim. Unfortunately, both Mom and Ed suffered long-term effects from the beating. Melicent Hunt stayed with them to help afterwards, and the three got on so well that they invited Melicent to live with them, which she did until early this year. Ed developed normal pressure hydrocephalus and was limited in his physical and cognitive functioning for the last few years of his life, though with welcome remissions. He died August 16, 1981.

A few years later, Mom developed Parkinson's disease, which, along with other ailments, progressively limited her activity and made her increasingly dependent on the help of others, including her good friend Melicent Hunt, her faithful housekeeper Lillian Lopez, and her dedicated caregivers, Linda Dewgarde, better known as Jewel, and Sonia Smith. As infirmities overtook her, she surveyed her situation and perceived that she had a choice: She could be a cranky invalid or she could be a pleasant and agreeable invalid, easing the burden on her caregivers. Absolutely in keeping with her character, she chose the latter. Many of those here today got to know and love her only in her last years, when the kind, wise, and witty person she was came through so clearly that people who did not know her were drawn to her.

Mom's life revolved entirely around people--her family and her friends. Her friendships were remarkably deep and enduring. She had an extraordinary gift of seeing the best in people and valuing them on that basis. She often spoke admiringly of her Aunt Katie, who never said an unkind word about anyone. Mom emulated that with such success that it is difficult to think of a single example of her condemning or dismissing anyone, no matter how much she might disapprove of their behavior. This includes the robbers who beat her and left her for dead. Among her many wonderful friends were a handful of difficult personalities who were the fortunate beneficiaries of her extraordinary ability to see beneath the prickly exteriors they presented to the world.

Mom's friends could always count on her to be there for them in time of need. She was a loyal friend who would unhesitatingly give of her time and rearrange her own life in order to help whenever possible. She had great empathy and would often lose sleep over the travails of a friend or family member.

It is difficult to imagine a more devoted mother. From as early as I can remember, she was always there. She gave unsparingly of her time, energy, and creativity. She enjoyed spending time with us and delighted in reading to us and telling us family stories. Thinking back, it's clear we got prodigious amounts of what is now called "quality time." We also had lots of time to roam about and play on our own, of course, but Mom was the anchor.

Mom guided and shaped us in many ways, but she also allowed us to unfold in our own way, growing as the twig is bent. She treated our interests and enthusiasms with indulgent respect, even when it meant allowing slithering critters to be kept in our room. On one occasion, she came to the defense of my brother Kent when a bullying teacher harassed him for having interests, such as rock and roll, that were un-Christian, in the teacher's pinched view of the world. "Christianity," she admonished the teacher, "is about joy, not about fear." From the earliest age, Mom gave us the sense that we mattered, and that she would always be on our side. And she always was.

As a child, I suffered from frequent spells of asthma that were severe enough to keep me awake all night. On countless nights, Mom would maintain the all-night vigil, holding me upright on her lap until daybreak brought relief. Though these sessions were exhausting for her, I don't recall her ever losing patience or complaining about her own loss of sleep.

She was a registered Democrat and a member of the National Women's Party, which was dedicated to the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment. Although more active in church than in civic or political affairs, she was always thoughtful and independent in developing her positions on political and social issues. As a voter, she would study whatever material she could find on issues and candidates, exchange views with people whose opinions she respected, then vote her conscience. Often her vote differed from her husband's or that of most of her friends. She was strongly opposed to racial or religious bigotry and discrimination. When she learned that the Ebell Club of Los Angeles, of which she was a member, had a policy of racial discrimination, she resigned in protest. In the 1950s, when the first black family was about to move into her neighborhood, a bigoted white neighbor began circulating a petition seeking to prevent the move. Betty organized a successful counter-campaign to persuade others in the neighborhood not to sign the petition but welcome the family instead.